You probably think I mean lying to exagerate the pain or depression. But I really mean the exact opposite. I’ve read a blog on the Mighty tht was on a similar subject. That people with chronic illnesses often have to make it seem like they’re in less pain than they actually are in. I’m adding a bit of a mental illness component too, since that’s also my life.
Having to downplay the pain and everything mental is necissary for a few reasons. At least in my life.
I lie to the doctors because I hate telling them how much pain I’m really in because they thing I’m lying for pills or attention. When really it’s the exact opposite. It’s not like I enjoy being on pills or having to go to the doctor’s office all the time. I wish I could just get out of the bed like normal people. Or like the past they’ll just tell me I need to eat better, exercise, and go to therapy more.
I lie to my family so they don’t fret over me. I know they won’t understand and they will think they know what’s best for me. They’ll have all kinds of ideas to make my life easier and i just can’t always handle that on top of everything else I’m dealing with it. Or they’ll walk on eggshells and treat me like I’m breakable.
I lie to my co workers and bosses. No one likes someone who never shows up. And in the past, I have been that person. And not to mention someone who needs extra when it comes to time for my mental health and doctors appointments or even if I can’t get out of bed. It has been so nice to find a job I love and I love getting out of bed to go to my job. But you don’t know coworkers enough to be honest. And you don’t want to be the person at the office everyone thinks is seeking attention. And you don’t want to give your boss any reason to sideline you or even not hire you.
I lie to my therapist and psychiatrist about my depression because I’m afraid if I’m honest about how bad thing are, then I’ll be forced into a mental hospital or I’ll lose myself on more medications. I’m not against medication, and it has helped me in the past. But I’ve never tried treatment without it and it hasn’t seemed to work in a long time. I get scared about what I can say and how honest I can be.
I lie to what few friends I do have left because I don’t want to lose any more friends over my illnesses. And I have lost so many because it seemed like it was too much to handle. But if I don’t ever mention my problems then I can’t scare them away.
It makes it hard when you’re constantly having to judge if you can truly be yourself and be depressed or be in pain and be bale to just show it so you’re more comfortable. I’m sure I’ll find a balance someday.