Having anxiety can be really hard for many reasons. For me, the hardest reason of all is waiting on responses from people. Texting is the worst. You never know if you’re taking something the right way or if the other person is going to take what you said and interpret it the way you mean. It can lead to so much miscommunication and fighting and then inevitably apologizing.
I recently got into the biggest fight with my best friend that we ever have. I said some really terrible things. Now I just poured my heart out apologizing and begging for another chance to not lose him as a friend. Waiting is killing my anxiety.
It’s so bad that it made have to add into my apology a “please at least respond so I don’t obsess about this” What’s worse is that it’s not just these huge conversations. it’s every text or call that goes un answered. Even if the text goes answered within a few minutes, I still spend that time worrying or obsessing.
It makes me change the way I handle my day to day and how I communicate with people. It means I try not to text people first. It means I try not to call people. It means I try not to need help from people. It makes life hard to live. But now I sit here crying after my long email, regretting that I put myself out there. Just hoping that this pain of anxiety will go away soon. Even if it means crying myself to sleep, which it mostly does mean.