I wake up every day and I of coarse I missed my alarms. I’m already an hour late. I’m too tired to get up, it feels like I didn’t sleep at all even though I slept all night. I lay in bed and debate if I’m going to get up and go do what I need to do that day, or even go to work. I could call in sick, but I just called in a couple days ago. I’m out of food, but I really don’t want to go to the store. It’s getting to be too much. The thoughts are overwhelming. This time I decide to get up, I stumble around the house to find cloths. Of coarse I’m going to be wearing something dirty because I was too tired to do laundry. I get dressed and grab my stuff to head out of the house. I don’t have time to shower, eat, brush my teeth, or even walk the dog.

I get out the door and into the car, I take a minute to think and talk myself out of just going back  inside to lay down, I’m so tired. I’m driving and zoning out, every time I look up I’m close to rear ending someone. It’s hard to stay focused. I get to work and I sit there, hoping no one needs me to do anything. I notice I didn’t even remember to put on deodorant. Is my shirt backwards? I skate by and debate all day about if I can work a whole shift. Maybe no one with notice if I go home early. Sometimes I make it through the whole shift and sometimes I don’t. On my way home I’m falling asleep, I didn’t get anything done that I needed to.

I get home and the house is a mess, the animals want attention. But I’m too tired. I take my meds and lay down. I’m hungry but I’m  too tired to cook, and eating would be too much effort. I was falling asleep all day and now I’m laying in bed and now I can’t sleep. I lay there and think, for hours and hours… I just think. I think about the day, I think about tomorrow, I think about yesterday, and I even think about things that happend a week and a month ago. I  eventually fall asleep from the meds, sometimes it’s midnight, sometimes it’s 3 or 4am.

I wake up and I missed my alarms again and it starts all over.

 

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